This blog seems to be all business lately. So let’s have some fun. Before you go any further, check out this crazy bitch. It just seemed like the right thing to post since I also have a gay flag on this page.

Anywho, on to more important stuff. As many of you know I love to gamble. Although gambling on poker, sports, or casino games can be fun, I personally get a lot more satisfaction doing proposition bets. In fact I’ll share my latest prop bet.

My good friend and neighbor John (the big dude in the middle) is such a die hard Green Bay Packer fan that this dumb ass made the following bet. If Green Bay has a better overall record than the reigning NFC Champion Chicago Bears, then he will have the pleasure of shaving my head with a dull razor. Damn, that could be cold this winter!

But here is the best part, If when the Bears finish up the season with a better record he will have to fly a gay flag outside his home for 1 week. Note to fellow gamblers……..Bet with your head and not your heart.

Okay, as you can see I have a lot of fun messing with friends and doing crazy proposition bets. Below however are my favorite proposition bets. These are great bets to make at bars with drunk buddies for either free drinks or cold hard cash.

If you use any of these in coming weeks and make a profit, please ship the customary 10% to me via paypal. Alright, here goes in order of my favorite:

1. The Circumference of a Beer Glass - This is a classic and you will win this all day long. (Don’t lie, you know you just went into your kitchen to grab a glass and try it out.)

2. 6 Saltines in a Minute Challenge - Okay this one is good. Eating 6 saltine crackers in a minute doesn’t sound that difficult, but believe me it is. I have only seen one person do this successfully. The problem is that saltines literally dry up all the saliva in your mouth and you are unable to swallow. When making this bet, you cannot allow the suspect to drink any water or liquids during the 60 second period. (Gay Video, but I didn’t have time to scour Youtube for a better one)

3. Break a Beer Bottle With Your Bare Hands - This is also a good one but can be quite messy. It really only works well at house parties or if you have a sink to do it over. Definitely not the most profitable prop bet, but it does work.

4. Open a Beer Bottle With A Piece of Paper - Again, not as great as #’s 1 & 2, but it will trick most people. Good luck finding a sheet of 8×10 paper at the bar.

I actually have many more, but these are my favorites. If you have some good ones, please post in the comments. The first one I have actually found to work the best. Happy Gambling!

Well, we finally made it back from Michigan. I had full intentions of blogging each evening of the days events however the campground did not have wireless internet. If anyone has ever went through the “Full Nascar Experience”, then you can probably imagine the “internet” is most likely not what is on other campers and Nascar fans minds.

More important than any other story or excerpt in this post, let me start by saying I just won the prop bet with Jimmy Johnson destroying Dale Earnhardt in todays race.

Oh hell, I don’t even know where to start when chronicling the weekends events. But the picture on the left should get you into they right mindset if you choose to continue reading on. (This picture was from the first days practice and qualifying) There are so many good stories from this trip, I am not going to be able to cram them all into one blog post. But I will try my best to share the good ones. We showed up Thursday afternoon and were the second R.V. at our campsite. The next people to show up rolled in on a old beat up Holiday Rambler R.V. packed with around 14 people.

These fine Nascar fans were from a small town called Swisher Iowa. Never in my life have I seen 14 people get a campsite and tent put together so quickly. It was almost as if these people were on a mission to get to the beer drinking and loud music as fast as they could. Needless to say about 30 minutes later they had assembled a huge tent filled with a full DJ set-up and a restaurant style grill. This was the beginning of a long weekend.

That evening was somewhat tame. We sat by the fire with a few drunks from Swisher and a gynecologist from Ohio……Nascar brings out all types I suppose. One of the guys names was Jimmy, and he kept the entire weekend interesting. How this man is alive or has a liver anymore is beyond me….more about his antics later

Forget about the rambler and tent campers, here is a picture of how baller Nascar fans roll…..actually not really, but it’s a picture of me and a losing Nascar gambler.

The following day we headed down to the track to watch practice and qualifying. This was pretty cool as Mr. E got us pit passes. Being that close to the races and the cars was pretty amazing. Even more amazing were the amount of vendors both at the track and across the street in one of the campgrounds. Just about anything Nascar you could ever want is here.

Allow me to go off on a business tangent. Although Nascar has the reputation of being a hillbilly sport, the actual business behind it is quite savvy. Neither the NFL, MLB, or NBA can top the branding or marketing of Nascar. Every single fan has hundreds of dollars in gear for their favorite driver…. Not too mention all the crap they hang on their trailer (And in Swisher, Iowa…..most of this probably gets returned to the front yard). Then they are smart enough that each car brings in millions upon millions of dollars in sponsorship from every major company in the world.

Nascar in general is raining money. One thing that was really cool however is that the entire sport is there for the fans. I could go on and on about this, but to give you one prime example, the fans are allowed to bring coolers into the track with their own beer and snacks. No other professional sport that I am aware of allows this.

Okay now back to the drunken stupidity. The first night I decided at 1:00 AM to sleep outside in my hammock. When I bought a hammock this summer I told my wife I was going to sleep in it outside at some point in my life. Cross that off the list of things to do. Sleep Outside in Hammock. It was actually quite peaceful and I got a good nights sleep.

Did I mention the camper neighbors had a DJ setup with two huge speakers. Every night once the rest of the campground was sleeping, the speakers got cranked up and we were treated to a little Neil Diamond. If I never hear this song again, I will be O.K. with that.

Although the Cup race got rained out on Sunday, I did get to see the Bush Race on Saturday. It is crazy how loud and fast these cars actually go. You really have to attend a race like this live to get the true feeling of what 43 cars going 200 mph looks, feels, and sounds like.

R.V. gets hit by a golf cart:

I had to bold the title up to this because it is just so unbelievable. On Saturday night we polished off a few beers and called it a night around 1:30. I am laying in the camper and half asleep when all the sudden a huge BOOM hits the trailer and actually moves it. For a second I thought I was just drunk dreaming it, you know like when your half asleep and you get startled and wake up.

Well a few minutes later Mr. E gets up and says “I’ll be damned, I think our trailer just got hit”. Sure enough we get up, go outside and our trailer got hit by a drunk on a golf cart. Not only did this guy hit our trailer twice, he then continued down the hill and went into a pick-up truck. He avoided a telephone poll, a guide wire, and a bunch of other dangers. Little did we know when Mr. E and I were checking out the damage at 2 something in the morning, the driver of the golf cart was passed out under the pickup truck he hit.

You’ll never guess who it was that hit our trailer. It was Jimmy. The best part was the next morning when we confronted him, he was laughing and telling us about the whole thing….. I guess that is how they apologize in Iowa. The good news however is that Jimmy did fix all the damage.

Where was Karl through all this you might ask? This dude slept right through out camper being struck as well as myself and his dad getting out of bed and going outside to check it out. You tell me, does this look like the type of Nascar Fan that would sleep through an incident like that.

From Saturday night through Monday night it pretty much rained non-stop. The race did get canceled on Sunday and we never made it back to the track. We did make the best out of it though as we had an awning on the R.V. and the neighbors had a fully equipped circus tent. Not too mention we had a cooler full of beer and a load of firewood.

The Poker Game:

On Sunday Night we found ourselves in the middle of a 1-2 NL game in the circus tent with the boys from Swisher. All I can say is fuck….these people were really bad. I started off on a nice run and rolled up around $170 or so. But then I lost most of it to “Kenny” when my K8 (trip 8’s) got beat by his A8. And holy shit when Kenny won that money you should of seen his wife. One would think this man just won the Iowa State Lottery. I proceeded to play very drunk and very badly the rest of the evening. At one point I became a credit player playing on $60 from Karl. I think my net loss was around $200.

The good news however though is that Karl took these guys for around $500 or so. He was on fire to say the least. This is pretty amazing considering Karl is usually a donkey at poker. I am just glad it wasn’t me that took these poor individuals house and car payments.

Overall the Nascar Experience was something to remember and hopefully a trip I will make every year. Getting the opportunity to hang out with Karl and his dad for a few days was priceless and I can’t think of a better way to spend a few vacation days. I will post a few more pictures later, I think I have a good one with me sitting in the stands wearing the headset. <——–Hardcore Nascar fan right there.

Winning the bet is actually quite nice too. I am looking forward to inviting some friends over to sit at my house and watch Karl groom my yard as well as wash my vehicles.

I hope Karl enjoyed the $500 upswing you had against the Swishers Karl. Because sometime in the next couple weeks he will be my bitch for the afternoon.

Although being a gambler I would allow him to make me a double or nothing bet for the race in Bristol……………………or even worse let it ride on the Green Bay Packers. It feels good to be a winner today.

Next up I will be posting my thoughts on the ridiculous mess that is going on at ChipLeader.

And let the games begin. Karl stopped by tonight to give me a glimpse of this fine piece of machinery we will be spending the next 4 days in.

It looks pretty impressive. When it comes to Nascar, these fans don’t mess around. We have a pretty tight schedule tomorrow. Apparently these guys that work in the real world think leaving at 7:00 A.M. in the morning to go on vacation is a good idea. Obviously they do not work poker affiliate hours.

Actually getting up early will be fun though as I can properly plan ahead and get to bed with the wife early tonight.  My wife is awesome, she did all my laundry for me today and even helped me pack.  Just because of all this hard work I told her in cousin Eddie’s voice “Sweetheart, I got something real special planned for you tonight”.  She sounded thrilled…………

We are going to the grocery store at 7:00 to buy all the food and beer. Buying beer at 7:00 A.M. That will be a first.

I am really looking forward to getting away for a weekend and doing nothing but sitting around in t-shirts and shorts, smoking cigars, drinking beer, playing poker, going to the track, and generally just being a hillbilly. And believe me, I have a feeling I may cross paths with a few interesting people.

I promise I will get to some more business related and motivational posts next week, but this is just going to be too much damn fun. I am hoping one of these rich Nascar billies has wireless access I can jack. With all the RV’s in the trailer park….sorry campground, I imagine someone will. If I get access I won’t answer any of your emails or PM’s, but I will do my best to post some good pictures.

See you next week!

Here’s the preliminary pics:

Jeremy & Karl…….Do I look fat in that t-shirt? I’m so nervous, I want to look my best at this event.

“That there is an RV Clark”

Cousin Eddie 1990 something

She looks pretty happy for a wife that is going to be stuck at home by herself with 2 kids for 5 days……… now get out of our bus sweetheart.

Okay, I will preface this entire post by stating that I am not a huge Nascar fan. In fact until this year I had never watched a single race. However one of my best friends is an avid fan an follows Earnhardt Jr. each week. Amazingly enough, my buddy Karl is not that much of a hillbilly from the outside either. One would think that anyone living in Rockford, IL who watches Nascar each week and occasionally chews cherry skol would surely be a bit trailer, if you know what I mean.

Anyhow, this weekend I am hopping into a huge RV with Karl and his Dad and going to Michigan Speedway for the races. I have heard that going to a Nascar race for an entire weekend is actually an “experience”. I am going to have to be the judge of this first hand. I really don’t have a driver that I follow closely, but Jimmy Johnson seems to be trendy and he has a hot wife. I’ll take him.

So anyone who knows me knows that I like to gamble just a little bit. While watching the Bears per-season game last week with Karl, we had a few beers and came up with the following prop bet:

If When Jimmy Johnson beats Earnhardt on Sundays Cup race, I win. If Earnhardt somehow beats Johnson in this race Karl wins…….. Here’s the bet.

If I win, Karl will be coming to my house on a weekend day and mowing my lawn, trimming my shrubs, and doing some general landscaping. After he completes that he will be washing and detailing my Lexus inside out. While he’s here I am going to have him get my wifes vehicle cleaned up as well. Basically he will be my bitch for the day.

Now if Karl wins —- He owns his own manufacturing business sweat shop where they run wire machines, lathes, presses, and a bunch of other things I have no clue about. But I will have to show up first thing in the morning, slap on some dickies and a work shirt and do janitorial work all day. I imagine I will be cleaning the shitters, all the offices, and probably a handful of other grunt work.

Although this bet does not include any cash exchanging hands, there is some pride to be lost here. I enjoy bizarre prop bets like this better than cash bets all day long. This should make for a nail biting experience however while watching the race on Sunday.

Aside from the race, I’ll be sure to get some good pictures from the entire weekend. I imagine becoming intoxicated and seeing 250+ lb. Fat Chicks flashing is all but inevitable…… I mean hell, this is a Nascar race we are going too. Hopefully I make it back with all my teeth.