I suppose an “About Me” page is where you would expect to read a third person professional write up on myself. Hmmm…. well that’s not really my style, so I’ll just go ahead and tell you “about me” in my own words. 
Poker Affiliate Programs - This Is How NOT To Send Spam
December 18th, 2007 by Jeremy Enke
Like every other poker affiliate, my inbox gets filled with spam emails every day. Likewise I get several emails from new poker affiliate programs soliciting my business. Normally the spam emails are the same type of stuff, for example, “While searching your site…..blah, blah, blah”.
Today however I got a spam email from CelestialPoker.com, and I am literally speechless. I am fairly confident my 4 year old daughter could write a better email. The sad thing is that there is probably some wealthy person in New Zealand that decided to invest a few hundred thousand into an online poker room.
Reading over this email, and then all the grammar and spelling mistakes on the actual site, I am giving this site a 0.000000000001% chance of ever becoming profitable.
—– Original Message —–From: “Celestial Poker” <info@celestialpoker.com>
To: <jeremy@pokeraffiliateworld.com>
Sent: Tuesday, December 18, 2007 9:23 AM
Subject: info adv
Good morning,
i’m XXXXXX XXXXXXX for Celestial Group LLC.
We opened a new poker room named celestial Poker 1 month ago and we are
interesting to advertise our poker room. We choosed your website because is
an important gambling portal.
We want ask you if you can insert our banners on your website, as
affiliate, you can earn from 25% to 35% on the players’ rake, plus some
monthly bonuses.
If you advertise our poker room on your website we can organize also some
tournaments, like freerolls, GTD, Added or mini-challanges, exclusive for
your players.
We offer many promotions, for example 100% bonus on the first deposit, 10%
INSTANT BONUS (NO LIMITS) and FOR EVERY DEPOSIT for who deposit via
MoneyBookers and 50% INSTANT RAKEBACK. We can offer to your players also
other promotions. Now we have a little number of players online (90-110
morning, 200-300 evening) but we have many new players every days.
If you could be interested you can see also our affiliates page:
http://www.celestialpoker.com/affiliates.php
You can become an affiliate also now!WE ALLOW US PLAYERS.
If you send us many players we pay you some money (no only the normal % of
earnings).We want organize in future also satellite tourmanets to live events (like
WPT, EPT, WSOP…).I hope that you become an our affiliate and start to earn with us.
Best Regards
December 18th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
I am signing up for that one ASAP! I could only imagine how great it would be to try to get in touch with an affiliate manager there, or even comprehend what they are saying. How do you get such entertaining SPAM?
December 18th, 2007 at 5:19 pm
You link us content boost pages
December 18th, 2007 at 5:35 pm
lmao “You link us content boost pages” to funny.
I get this kind of spam on a weekly basis, and sadly most is incoherent and not thought out.
December 18th, 2007 at 6:23 pm
I doubt the link in this post will give them any boost, as it is probably the only incoming link they have or will ever have to that page.
I was hoping somebody from celestialpoker would see it in their traffic logs and realize how bad their emails look.
December 18th, 2007 at 7:39 pm
I think you are being a little harsh, after all, they choosed your website. They could have choosed anyone, but yours because is an important gambling portal. Also, their incentives are great too, if you send them MANY players we pay you SOME money. It’s too bad they don’t send you MANY money too.
But the thing that really got it for me is:
“WE ALLOW US PLAYERS.” - They cater to ENGLISH speaking people, but can’t speak English themselves.
Anyway, Back on a serious note, these guys are hilarious… I think the same douchebag emailed me too!
December 18th, 2007 at 7:47 pm
lol Graham I was thinking the same thing. My biggest peeve right now is the amount of spam I am recieving daily from Wagershare.
The funniest closing on a spam email I have recieved was “I am impatiently waiting for you to reply”
December 18th, 2007 at 10:39 pm
“You link us content boost pages”
Haha, reminds me of that guy over at PAW that wants everyone to hold hands and boost our sites by spamming for link exchanges.
December 18th, 2007 at 11:47 pm
Well obviously English isn’t this guys first language, but you’d think they would hire some sort of English PR guy eh?
December 19th, 2007 at 4:55 am
***You link us content boost pages***
Someone is in luck … boratpoker.com is available!
December 19th, 2007 at 11:59 am
Man what a joke! Does anyone has an actual count on how many poker rooms there are now?
December 19th, 2007 at 12:01 pm
Oh and speaking “boost traffic” why does my name on the side here have a “no follow” tag or something.. My site doesn’t suck that bad.
December 19th, 2007 at 1:04 pm
Hey Randy,
It’s not a no follow tag. It appears you haven’t entered your website url in the box when making comments. Hope that helps.
Jeremy
December 27th, 2007 at 9:30 am
Sheesh, you guys are tough.. they offered you 25.. no wait.. 35%!
My partner was complaining last night about a program leaving 5 voicemails and talking until the machine cuts them off in each one, all in one …. ‘night’.