What a heck of a day in the industry. I am not going to go into all the developments surrounding the Absolute Poker scandal here. If you are reading this blog, the odds are you are an affiliate or someone who already knows a fair amount about it.

But since this is my personal blog, I will say that the whole situation puts me in a really bad spot. I have seen the other forums where members are calling for the owners to remove AP & UB from the site all together. To be honest I have just been waiting for the post to show up on PAW.

Instead of reprinting it here, this is my post at paw where I answered an affiliate who basically says PAW is a lap dog of AP.

I have talked to the guys at PokerNews as well as some of the other big sites. Everyone has a hell of decision to make right now. There is no doubt that even the big affiliates know something shady went down. But here is some insider info into the super poker affiliate mindsets. From the guys I have spoken with today, they are waiting to see what the next official statement from AP is going to be regarding the allegations. Will they deny it again, or will they come out and admit to shenanigans? They’re next statement is actually very important to what affiliates will do.

In my opinion, if they are guilty, they should come out and admit it. Fire the CEO, have charges filed against him, and refund the money to players accounts that played on any table associated with the super user account 363. Even if this costs them $500K, it will be worth it for them in the long run. Likewise it may help the poker community see that they are taking action. Ahhh hell, this might not even help at this point though, they’re probably fucked. I’m just trying to be positive as always. Regardless, I understand they are supposed to be making a statement soon. This should be interesting.

That’s all I really have to say about the whole thing right now. I still haven’t made a decision on what to do with PAW. The feedback from affiliates is very important to me though. You can either comment here, email me, or PM me.

On a side note, if I were smart I would just redirect this whole blog to a landing page welcoming ex Absolute players. It ranks #1 in google for almost every search you can think of that deals with “Absolute Poker Superuser Account” or “Absolute Poker is Rigged”. I’m such a donkey

Well, here I sit in my office on a anything but a typical Monday afternoon. I suppose I could write about Sunday NFL Football, or even the PokerStars World Championship of Online Poker. However looking at what is transpiring in the Absolute Poker super user account drama, I suppose I’ll write about this.

I’ll start by acknowledging when this whole thing started back in September, I was a bit skeptical. Believe me, being in this industry since the planet poker days….. I have heard my fair share of “online poker is rigged” stories. Over the weekend however, a new chapter of this ongoing scandal unfolded. The two main threads on this whole thing are here. The P5’s one is probably an easier read and more significant.

Consolidated Pocket Fives Threads

2+2

Basically AP support accidentally sent an excel file to one of the P5′rs upon request with the HH’s from the $1k tournament in question. Not only were the requested tournament hand histories in this file , so were all the hole cards of every player in the tournament. Allegedly the report also included email addresses, I.P. addresses, and user account I.D. numbers of all the players in the tourney.

Apparently someone with a user account that was very low (in the 300’s) meaning they were among one of the first 300 accounts to ever sign up at AP, was railing the alleged cheaters table throughout the entire event. The theory is that this user on the rail could have been the super user account, and the one feeding potripper. There is much more to this as well so feel free to read the threads directly.

If poker players were going to prove even further the existence of superuser accounts or that specific players could see others hole cards, this would be a pretty good piece of evidence. The fact that AP even sent an excel file like this reminds me of Sopranos scenes where people would have to go out and dig their own grave. So pop yourself some popcorn, pour a beer, or do whatever you have to do to get through the hours of reading all the threads and research on this. Once you do however, it is really hard to not “ask questions”. Something certainly is not adding up here.

Instead of getting into a whole new debate on the actual existence an Absolute Poker super user account, I’d rather discuss the implications for poker affiliates. You can read through the two posts above and form your own opinion just like I did on the matter.

Many forum members on some of the largest poker forums out there are calling for the forum owners to discontinue advertising both AP and UB. In fact I have even been asked to pull them from the PAW Network. From the players standpoint it is very easy. Put yourself in a super affiliates shoes however. Imagine you were easily making six figures every few months from AP and UB. Likewise now imagine you rank very high in the SERPS for some AP/UB terms and you consistently send players to these sites every day. Even worse, what if a large % of your income is from players on MGR?

#1 Do you really want to self implode your monthly MGR at Absolute or UB, and then see these same players go over to FullTilt or Stars where they’re not on your trackers?

#2 Even if you remove AP/UB from your site, does it make sense to openly advise people NOT to play there considering #1, as well as the fact that AP/UB controls the sending of your monthly affiliate revenue for those sites. If PocketFives for example decided to take down AP, and then make a huge story out of this, how excited is Chipleader or AP upper management going to be to send them their big affiliate check each month. And believe me, with the portfolio of sites the PSO network has, the money lost by removing AP/UB would easily be in the 7 figures each year. And this is regardless if AP continues paying affiliate revenue in good faith.  This just on new sign-ups.

Clearly you can see now how this is problematic for affiliates. Yea Yea, I know some of the players or even smaller affiliates will argue that there should be no question and due to the evidence involved, AP should be removed.  And how could P5’s, Pnews, or any site want their name attached to AP/UB throughout this scandal?  I can see this side of the argument, however it’s about a lot more than just simply removing AP from their sites.  Likewise many players want us big affiliates to help get the word out about this whole incident. For example, this should be homepage stories on PokerNews, CardPlayer, PocketFives, and every other big poker portal.

Ummmm, here lies the next problem.  If we ever want to see online poker legitimized, regulated, or legalized, then this is not smart.  The fucking idiots running the U.S. that are so against online gambling would love to see this happen though.  This becoming a huge story does absolutely nothing good for the short term or long term growth of online poker.

Either way, whatever happens in this incident is such -EV for poker players, affiliates, and AP/UB. The sad thing is that I really like the team over at Chipleader. Despite their issues, they all seem to be very decent and sincere people. If there indeed was a massive breach in their security, I don’t think we can hold anyone at chipleader personally responsible. They work in the affiliate department and are all just caught up in a really shitty situation.

I haven’t decided what I am going to do in regards to AP on the PAW Network. As always, please share your comments and suggestions.

I think I posted this at PAW a year ago in the cocktail lounge. I am fairly certain it should piss off all the female readers, and give the guys a good chuckle.

Nonetheless gentlemen, if you want to avoid any chance of getting laid this weekend, print this out and hang it on your refrigerator. Then throughout the weekend continue to refer to the various rules. These should come in extremely handy during Sunday football and the Bloggers World Championship of Poker.

If you really want to hinder any chances of getting laid, do this. Hang it on the fridge and tell your wife that you’re just trying to give her some pointers before her annual review next week. Happy Friday, have a great weekend!

The Good Wife’s Guide

Originally Published in Housekeeping Weekly May 13th, 1955

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
• During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
• Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
• Be happy to see him.
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
• Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.
• Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
• Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
• A good wife always knows her place.

Here is the printable version for:

If you liked this article you’ll love the rest of my funny women posts.

I have never been so sleep deprived as I was after coming home from CAP Euro in Barcelona. I think we were up until at least 5:00 AM every night. I am getting too old for that, however you know if people are all up that late, the parties must be sick.

Barcelona in general is a pretty cool city for night life, it’s just unfortunate that there is so much crime. Literally everywhere you go, you have your hands in your pocket guarding your money. The CAP sponsored parties were all great. How can you beat hanging out at the best clubs in Barcelona and drinking for free? The only downside was that the conference was so huge, the venues where the parties were held got packed very quickly.

Not to worry though, the core group of PAW party animals seemed to make our own parties. The people I hung out with the most over the week were Brandon, Shenaz, Greg, Nick, Andreas, Ryan, Bob, Satya, Markus and I’m sure there’s a few I missed.

Let’s see what can I say about these people.

Brandon -As always he was a blast to hang out with . However you all must know that he has myspace as his homepage. Play on playa!

Shenaz - She is one of my favorite AM’s in the industry, but she is such a princess. I was not surprised when I found out she has her husband “tuck her into bed” every night.

Greg - Where do I even start? He has got to be one of the most hard core party animals I ever met. When we ran out of booze at 4:00 AM, GP came through in the clutch with a “borrowed” bottle of wine from behind the bar. I am still disappointed he didn’t bring his wife Tandra with. I imagine he’s afraid she’d end up in my room at some point.

Andreas - Also known as Darko, this dude is cool as hell and owns some killer domains. After the Cabaret show however, I’m not sure he will want to hang out with us anymore……. well actually, yeah he will. I think he realized all my talk about loving strippers is well……not just talk.

Nick - He is one of the youngest affiliates I know that is among the elite ballers club. Although one night Cakepoker was paying for all of our room service and meals. Naturally the majority of us were ordering Grey Goose and expensive plates. Baller Nick ordered a large milkshake. I think he was hoping it would come with a little toy to play with like McDonald’s happy meals.

Ryan - Also known as RCmastermind at PAW. All I am going to say about Ryan is that instead of staying at Hesparia he stayed at a Barcelona hostile where different chicks “slept” in his room every night. How pimp is that. Rcmastermind - FTOPS champion / International Playboy.

Bob - Scrawnybob is always great to hang out with at these conventions. We all found out the meaning of his site 4kingpoker.com. Say it in a British accent…… “fucking poker”. The whole room had a moment of clarity when he explained this to us.

Satya - One of my best friends in the industry and someone who got me started. He was probably the only one that enjoyed the cabaret show just as much if not more than me.

Markus - One sentence…….balling out of control.

You really cannot find a better group of people than the ones above to hang out with. I could write an entire book about the parties and all the crazy stories from CAP Euro, but Brandon already told me my blog posts are way too long. I agree. Before CAP London however I am going to hibernate for a week prior just so I can keep up.

The next Barcelona post will be the pictures post. I just need to get all the best ones compiled. So if you have some, email em over. But in case you ever wondered what a 45 Euro Surf & Turf looks like in Barcelona, here you go.